The article opens with a dateline and a strong, straightforward lede that gives the basic details of the story.
The second graph is an introduction to the third, which is a quote from an Olympics official. I'm not sure that "told the Associated Press" is necessary in the the third graph, as it could be substituted for "said."
Pluralize "competition" in graph six.
Graph seven is a little wordy and needs to be broken up for readability purposes. Graph eight's shows the same quoting problem mentioned in the second graph.
The rest of the article flows smoothly, and I found no mechanical issues. I should probably stop choosing articles that come FROM the Associated Press if I want to find AP style errors. Next time!
Good job line editing Davis, but think about editing more holistically. Did this story leave anything out? How did this story fulfill news values? Were the sources appropriate? Think about it and re-post. I also need one more link (two per post). Perhaps find another story about the same topic and compare the two.
ReplyDeleteThanks.