The Atlanta Journal-Constitution ran a story today about the Georgia Aquarium's display of the multiplying lionfish that are invading Georgia waters. The article briefly summarized the background of the lionfish and detailed its impact on other native species.
Overall, the article is well-written. The first sentence is a clever and successful metaphor, emphasizing the unwanted rapid growth of the lionfish. The line immediately draws readers, making them curious and wanting to read further in order to find out what the writer is referring to as “kudzu of the sea.”
The lead is closely tied to the first sentence, providing not only enough information to readers so that the main focus of the story is apparent, but also a comparison of the kudzu-like fish to an “out of control weed,” which, again, is useful to readers as it allows them to visualize this invasive fish.
The structure of the article works – it flows, it's easy to follow -- with the exception of two paragraphs: “Researchers believe the lionfish were in aquariums before being released into Florida waters. . .” A quote by Bruce Carlson, chief science officer for the aquarium, was placed before this paragraph that said, “ 'It's so irresponsible,' Carlson said of ditching unwanted pets in areas in which they are not native. . .'”
As the writer or the editor of this article, I would have switched the placement of this paragraph and quote. By placing the paragraph above the quote, there is a smoother transition of topics and a more solid introduction as to what the article will speak of next.
The paragraphs leading to the end of the story are well-organized. The article provides additional interesting facts about the lionfish, such as its venomous spines and its culinary use, and are appropriately placed towards the end since they are not crucial to the story.
An article by the Savannah Morning News covered a similar story regarding the spread of the lionfish. Although this article's lead was not as captivating as the one ran in the AJC, it did contain an insightful note regarding the future of the lionfish. This kind of prospective viewpoint would have added more dimension to the AJC article.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Interesting stories Myredith. Both were well-written and reported, and your suggestions would improve the flow of the story. In the future, I'd like you to think more holistically about editing. For instance, how do the news values apply? Is there anything missing in the reporting? Are the sources appropriate?
ReplyDelete