Distracting Errors Weaken Writing

Autism is a disease gaining a lot of attention lately in the news, and articles about this disease are news worthy because it impacts several families (including readers of the news).

This article in the Athens Banner Herald focuses on three families that lost a lawsuit against doctors when trying to prove that their children's autism is a negative side effect of the childhood vaccinations.

Although the article is relevant and newsworthy, several aspects of the article need revision. The article does not have many AP style errors, but the wording and lack of research to support the reporting makes the writing seem weak.

The article focuses on three families, yet the reporter continuously quotes only one woman from the three families. Where are the other people? Have they not been affected?

Also, the article could be stronger if it had an expert opinion. The reporter uses generalities such as "scientists" - but there is no quote or research backing up what the scientists think. This greatly weakens what the reporter is saying - because she only quotes one person.

"The three families whose cases were decided Thursday claimed no mitochondrial connection, however."
"Three separate judges concluded that there is no scientific evidence to support the claims, however."

These two sentences appear directly next to each other -- both with the word "however" dangling at the end -- this is very awkward and repetitive. "However" should be omitted or placed at the beginning of the sentence.

"Thousands of families have filed claims with the special court, seeking compensation because they believe their child's autism stems from vaccinations." The reporter uses a comma in the sentence which is unnecessary.

The reporter uses awkward phrases including: "The rulings are seen as a blow to those families' hopes, just as the ruling in the Polings' case lifted families in 2007." -- This is a bit too conversational for a hard news story appearing in the local news section.

Although the article is informative -- it is hard to comprehend the subject matter because it is written in an awkward manner and has simple errors -- which of course can be fixed :).